The Power of Sharing our Family Stories

I had never traveled anywhere alone. Riding a bus from Macon to Atlanta, Georgia with strangers was not a long distance, I know, but it was frightening and exciting for an 18-year-old.

My mom died when I was 13 and I lived with my brother and sister-in-law. The trip was a graduation gift to visit my aunts, who I hardly knew. They thought it would be good for me to hear stories of my mom and get to know what she was like when she was a young girl.

The bus arrived late that night at a very busy bus station on Peachtree street, but there was no one to greet me. My aunt and uncle were not able to drive after dark so I had to take a taxi to their home near Stone Mountain.

The taxi driver was a little frightening. He seemed to have taken the long way around for what was supposed to be a 15 minute drive, but when I lied and told him my uncle was a policeman, he suddenly found the right street and my aunt standing on the front porch waiting for me.

I spent the next few weeks visiting other aunts and uncles listening to interesting and wonderful stories about my mother. Their stories gave me a new picture of the woman I called mama.

My aunts showed me yellowed photos taken when she was a young, red-headed girl. They told me how she liked to sing in the church choir, how shy and stubborn she was and how she and my dad had eloped before she finished high school. It was a gift I wished I had received much sooner.

I know there are so many ways you can trace your roots, genealogy and ancestry and get the facts, but nothing takes the place of the stories we can share with each other.

In fact, research shows sharing family stories can increase well-being, reduce anxiety and depression, reinforce feelings of closeness among family members, and build resilience for navigating life's normal ups and downs.

These story moments can happen anytime families get together. When our children were younger, it was fun for them to hear what their dad was like as a child when we visited my husband's family.

Their view of him was different from ours. We saw him as a husband, a father, a pastor, a man who worked hard for his family.They saw him as a fun, loving boy who had somehow stumbled into becoming a man.

Watching my children's faces when they heard stories of their dad touched my heart deeply. I see the same look on our grandchildren's faces when their aunt and uncles talk about their moms and dads.

One day our youngest son called our house in total exasperation. His oldest son said he was going to the bathroom while they were in a pizza place. Instead of going to the bathroom as he said, he decided to check out the red button on the emergency exit door. Of course, the alarm went off and our grandson was in trouble. "He is so mischievous, mom", my son told me. "Sometimes I don't know what to do with him."

I had never traveled anywhere alone. Riding a bus from Macon to Atlanta, Georgia with strangers was not a long distance, I know, but it was frightening and exciting for an 18-year-old. My mom died when I was 13 and I lived with my brother and sister-in-law. The trip was a graduation gift to visit my aunts, who I hardly...

When we related the story to his brother and sister at the next Thanksgiving gathering. It was their turn to remind him of when he decided to satisfy his curiosity by pulling the emergency alarm at the hotel where we were staying and another time his curiosity got his knee stuck between the column and the wall at his elementary school, and on and on. Our grandson listened with great interest.

Stories are the secret sauce that bind our families together. I believe that when a child hears that their parents did silly things and made mistakes, they can accept their own mistakes-and learn from them.

When they hear stories about their grandparents, their aunts, uncles and cousins their world becomes bigger and safer in their hearts, because they know they are not alone.

When I read the Bible, I love that Jesus used parables, a Jewish style of storytelling, to teach people and make a point. I think that is where I learned the value of using a story to make a point. It is a powerful tool.

As the tenth child of eleven children, I wasn't close to my older brothers and sisters. When I married I moved away, and for a while we had nothing much in common, but when we came together with our children and grandchildren, it was easy to see how very much alike we were and how our childhood had defined the people we had become.

I wish parents understood how much children need to hear the stories their families have to tell, even if they are the same stories over and over again. It explains or reinforces the foundations in their lives. The stories may be entertaining and sometimes sad, but they are also an important part of informing.

Stories tell us our history, who we are, what sort of people we come from and why certain events happened the way they did. They remind us of the legacies that we are obliged to live up to, or in some cases, that we need to change.  Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.

They give us a context for our lives, assuring us that we are part of an ongoing story, an epic that began long before we were born and will continue long after we are gone.


Author's Image
Deana Landers
Author for Morningcoffeebeans.com

I have had many roles in life
Pastor’s Wife , Mom/Nana , Nurse/Health Educator, Writer , Christian Speaker
I can't remember a time when I wasn't writing stories, either in my head or in my journal.

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Story Comments

  1. I love this so much. Not just your story, but sharing family stories in general. Families may differ some, but truly people are people and we can all relate in one way or another. Stories like this connect us. I specifically appreciate your comment about wishing parents knew how important it is for families to continue to tell their stories, even if repetitive. I’ve learned as I’ve grown older, and family members pass on, that even the stories I heard more than once when I was young has an entirely different meaning when I am older and more experienced in life. I wish I could hear those same stories from my grandparents now. I would ask different questions. I would simply hear it differently now that I’ve been a parent and wife for so long. I did ask my grandma to fill out one of those Grandparent Legacy books where they answer questions about their lives. She only filled out a few pages, but I will tell you what. Those few pages are gold to me now. Thank you for the great read. It’s a great conversation piece, too.

    • Deana Landers -

      Stacey, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. When I write stories I always think about the people that may read them. And just like you, I wish I could go back and listen and ask more questions. These stories will be compiled into a book at the end of this year and I hope my children, grandchildren and readers will enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed writing them. But, keep reading. There is more to come:)Deana

  2. Vibha Sharma -

    Hello Mam My self Vibha Sharma from India.First of all I want to thank you for choosing this subject. Your family story reminds me about my father's​ childhood memories which he often shared with me. Reading your​ story was like reliving those moments. And yes thank you for choosing simple wards. I am a learner of English language and your writing skill helping me a lot. Best of luck for your next inspirational storyRegardsVibha Sharma

    • Deana Landers -

      Vibha, I cannot express to you how much your comments meant to me on my story of "The Power of Sharing our Family Stories." Thank you. I think we. all of us, do not value the stories we learn from our childhood.God Bless you,Deana Landers

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